Thursday, February 28, 2008


the blazers may be hitting a wall as of late...but at least we don't have to watch this retard anymore. zach randolph making it rain like it's friday night at club exotica? no, more like him doing his dead-on imitation of yours truly in the ol' rec league. hey, hartman, watching this makes me feel better about my dreadful performance last night.

Friday, February 22, 2008

grillz candy.

as you can see, here in north portland...we've been keepin' it real. yes, grillz candy tastes as bad as it looks. yo momma, valderrama.

go blazers.

the best part of last night's game, besides the win, was either the sonic fans decked out in home and away kemp jerseys with tight shorts and headbands. bravo, even though you almost got your asses beat by some trashy blazer fans. OR greg oden's sweet new hairdo, nice racing stripes, big guy.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

just around the corner...

can't wait to be bombarded with somber apologies and heart-felt regrets from all your favorite baseball players now since andy pettite was so sincere?
me too.
man, he's such a nice guy. honesty is the best policy, right?
all i know is the cardinals are gonna lock down last place in the NL central by june and the only thing i'll have to enjoy all season is john kruk's witty commentary.

don't smell like a turtle cage...

Monday, February 18, 2008

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Friday, February 15, 2008

bikes v. cars. cars win every time.

bicycles are great. for exercise.
i drove by an accident last night probably minutes after it happened. i don't know the details, but there were plently of witnesses, and the talk at work is that the cyclist was the one ticketed? go figure.
but i like where this one is going (apparently he wasn't properly equipped and turned into the truck?)
listen, i applaud all you brave, carbon-reducing souls for riding your bike everywhere. it's great that you all have balls of steel. and wear foam helmets to protect your precious, think-green noggins. however, sadly, no one must love you?
if anyone i cared about tried to guilt me into letting them bike commute in this rainy, 6 hours of light per day town or any town...there would be issues.
"share the road" bumperstickers are starting to take over the anti-bush and honor roll stickers. why? bikes aren't meant for city streets. it's a nice thought. but why risk it? do you really want your wife or son zipping along inches from a tri-met bus or a semi-truck? why?
it's good to have a cause. there are good fights and bad fights. this is a bad one. i don't care how good of a driver you are. sometimes your little reflective ankle straps and that tiny, golf ball-sized flashing red light come out of no where. and i'm a decent driver.
what about the 75% of drivers that suck ass? yeah, honestly, i'm surprised the number of accidents isn't WAAAAAY higher.
save your bike ridin' for parks or open roads or dry, open roads or dry, open roads during the sunlight hours?
i'm just sayin'.

a sample of some of our recent headlines:
the mercury. (the bickering in the blog linked in this one is pretty good.)

Thursday, February 14, 2008

banff, beards, and beer.

banff snow trip 2008.

the highlights: rocky mountain snow, 3 outta 4 powder days, domesticated deer, hot springs and hot tubs, big buck hunter, the elk and oarsman , lora's new ski skills, and beer.

the lowlights: -4 degrees kelvin, beard ice, overpriced ski lodge food isn't any better in canada than it is in america, domesticated deer, the weak US dollar, and cheap, faulty rental car ski racks (yard sale of the trip happened when two boards went flying off the truck going about 60mph in snowy conditions. we're damn lucky no one behind us was decapitated or a 20 car pile up did not occur. so, yes, mr. avis, we'll take a credit on the tin can junk you call a ski rack...the loonie can handle it.

overall, banff was solid. great little town, plenty of food and drink options, and close enough to 3 decent hills. sunshine is the most popular. we had a great powder day there. lake louise is a little further drive, but worth it. and mt. norquay. close. small and lots of kids.
whistler versus banff. whistler wins for accomodations (we couldn't find any vacation houses or at least ones with hot tubs) banff is a bigger town and has better snow.


not real.

Monday, February 11, 2008

please explain.

last thursday the ol' blog counter was at 8000-ish.
i went to banff for the weekend.
i got back today.
now the counter is at 18000.
someone please explain.
banff post later this week. banff beats whistler. hands down. unless it's -37 degrees celsius. which it was.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

there will be blood...

and there was.
went to see this movie today before work. i had some time to kill, so i went to the lloyd center. the lloyd center is usually someplace i avoid.
i hadn't been there in over a year. i was quickly reminded why.
the lloyd center happens to be the epicenter of all that is portland. fine. but at the same time, this nebraska strip mall with a ice-skating rink in the center, takes "hey, i'm weird! hey, i'm unique! hey, portland accepts me!" to another level.
in the time it took me to walk past the remote-controlled car store, past a foot locker knock-off, fredrick's of hollywood, and into nordstrom's, i saw:
one 500lb woman wearing a hillary clinton t-shirt/sheet.
a caucasian man with a tribal face tattoo twice the size of mike tyson's.
a mullet on bald 30-something wearing a wizard robe.
a cute couple with matching four-inch pieces of bone through their nasal septums.
also, something should be done about the creepy 40, 50 year old men that lean on the ice skating rink rail watching the pre-teens skate around in their little barbie skirts. i think one of them was jeff gillooly. maybe.

also, i have a rule never to eat in mall food courts. but i broke it today in a rush to catch said movie. i want to know why the asian food mall restaurants with the toothpick samples always assume it's the orange chicken i want to try instead of something else? i didn't eat asian. instead i went for the baked heart attack rather than the fried one.

now, the movie. go see it. daniel day lewis is the finest actor available today. his character, mr. plainview, takes your typical anger and intimacy issues and crushes them on the skull with a bowling pin. bravo, sir, bravo.

perpetual emailers...

i have somewhat successfully eliminated those people having access to my email accounts who feel the need to forward every single "funny" email circulating the world wide web.
because they aren't.
but every once and long while, one slips through. this one has a couple laugh outloud moments. but as usual, some are stupid and not funny. enjoy. or don't.
i particularly like 8, 21, 26, and 29.

You know you are a nurse when.........
1) the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to
save your ass, not kiss it!"
2) you occasionally park in the space with the
"physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
3) you believe some patients are alive only because it's
illegal to kill them.
4) you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
5) you own at least three pens with the names of
prescription medications on them.
6) you believe there's a special place in hell for the
inventor of the call light.
7) you believe that saying "it can't get any worse"
causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
8) you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
9) you believe that any job where you can drive to work
in your pajamas is a cool one.
10) you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
11) eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is
perfectly natural.
12) you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you
consider it a form of birth control.
13) you've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow
ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
14) you've ever placed a bet
on someone's blood alcohol level.
15) you've told a confused patient that your name is that
of a coworker and to call if they need help.
16) your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago's
water tank.
17) you have seen more penises than any prostitute could
dream of.
18) you believe that not all patients are annoying. ..
some are unconscious.
19) your family and friends refuse to watch medical
sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time
correcting everyone and pointing out upside down
20) you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your
21) you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on
your chest. Soon.
22) discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal
is perfectly normal to you.
23) your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down
to eat.
24) your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift
25) you believe in the aerial spraying of prozac.
26) you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a
recognized diagnosis.
27) you believe that the government should require
permits to reproduce.
28) you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone
who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
29) you have ever wanted to write a book entitled
"Suicide: getting it right the first time."
30) you have ever had a patient look you straight in the
eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
31) you've had to leave a patient's room before
you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

euro trip. part deux.

sarah silverman. part attractive. part funny. mostly annoying singer.
matt damon. part ass kicking assassin. part genius MIT janitor. that is all.

Friday, February 1, 2008