berries, the taco bell of the tundra.

no rain, no rainbows.

thank you, william shatner. you truly are my spirit animal.

happy birthday america.

t-minus 60-ish days until...

1. i sleep in my waders.
2. bows on mice.
3. pollywogs.
4. not being at work.
5. the river i've been dreaming about for 2 years.

break room funk.

i was going to post the video of sarah palin's lips flapping while turkeys get decapitated behind her and make clever quips like "if you look past the bloody turkey, you can see russia" and probably call the post "meat is murder". but you will probably see the clip two hundred times today, so screw it.

instead, i kept myself barely awake at work tonight plastering hundreds of biohazard stickers all over the break room. like always, it smelled like a bag of wet dog shit mixed with rotting halloween pumpkins.
seriously, what is it about work break rooms? do they all reek like old tv dinners that have been thawed and refrozen every month since WWII? what do people/nurses/cat lovers keep in their lockers? purses full of used kleenex? open cans of slimfast?
it's gross.

anyway, not to drift too far away from the topic of blood and gore...this "accident" happened yesterday in portland. pretty amazing that this little girl didn't get her head crunched. 4 grown men, one with a baseball bat, versus one pit bull. i know that no dog should be trusted completely, but i guarantee that it wouldn't take 4 grown men to put down the lou. so, damn you, michael vick. guns don't kill people. bullets do.

on a lighter note, i saw quantum of solace the other day. pretty decent. but nothing memorable, really. no signature moment. just bond getting his ass kicked in only to live to see another tomorrow...que the awesome blood dripping bond girl silouette holding a pistol intro.

obama.

last night i had a dream. i was having trouble with a level in little big planet when all of a sudden a holographic image of oprah winfrey beamed out of my PS3. she was crying and laughing at the same time. it was very awkward. i could only make out a few words including "proud", "hope", and "chicago". i could only assume she was upset that rex grossman would be under center this sunday for the bears. i told her, yes, the bears were probably screwed, and then the reverend jesse jackson, dressed in a wolf blizter halloween costume, came out of nowhere and slapped me in the face. then i woke up drenched in sweat. or tears. not sure.
now i gotta go, that chain-smokin' potty mouth, rachael ray, is on and making something with a carbonara sauce. predictably, i'm mesmerized by her giant mouth.

joe six-pack.

palinaspresident.us

guns.

pardon my fuckin' language, but i fuckin' hate politics. he said, she said fuckin' bullshit. go ahead and vote. but do it based on something important...like who you would rather have a beer with or maybe who you'd rather sit next to during a blazers' game. it can't be based on knowledge and facts...nobody has time to sort through all of this bullshit.



got it? ok...now click here.

seriously, joe the nurse shouldn't have to spend six hours on the computer, not on ebay, trying to figure out who to vote for...sorting through the mud and pus that is washington d.c.

we're goin' to hell everyone. see you there.

*not that this was the issue deciding my vote...i was just curious.

oh, hollywood...

you're so organized.

creepy.

this video has it all. diversity, flutes, brainwashing...this election is gonna be awesome! now if we could just get a debate where some questions get answered?

elect matt damon.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

i'm not voting...still

cheese and rice, i swear obama wants to lose. i suppose it's not officially from his campaign, but come on, dude...you put the squeeze on the whole ludacris incident? you must not want my vote if this is allowed out there in cyberspace.
i dare you to watch this in its entirety.
after viewing this i sat down at work and wrote a better song with a crayon...left-handed.
it went something like this:
"poo, caca, diapers. go out and vote. poo, caca, diapers. go out and vote. poo, caca, diapers. drugs are bad. so is poverty. word."

nailed it.

good job, tina. bravo, you little minx.

of note, the rest of the night's show blew, except for maybe "space olympics".

"it's like a really bad disney movie...i mean if you do the actuary tables..."

continuing on the political theme...it just keeps getting better. matt damon, known best for his role in 'team america: world police', has this little video gem. it rules. screw obama. screw mc bush. i'm voting for the jason bourne/george clooney ticket!




*if you're wondering where i get all these nuggets of awesome check out WWTDD.

seriously?

first off, i hate both democrats and republicians. which one i hate more, depends on the day.
now, those that have the pleasure of listening to me rant on a daily basis know there are few people i dislike more than amy winehouse or manu ginobli...however, whoopi goldberg wears the jeweled crown.
secondly, i do not watch 'the view'. EVER. BUT this is just unreal...it's mostly just mc cain talking about dying during his term, palin becoming queen, and something about rowing, but...listen at about the 1:55 mark, then...wait for it...babs chimes in at 2:20. it is amazing. i'm pretty sure millions of idiots watch this shit.

"tina...eat!"

julie blogs. not often. her excuse for that is that she's sitting at home feeding her baby. i feed babies at work and i still have time for this crap, but i digress. julie blogs. it's usually spot on. click here. it's worth 6 seconds of your day.

my comment on this subject...ms. fey, if the quality of '30 rock' goes down, even a little, because you're wasting your time on SNL with the mayor of wasilla...things will get messy. like exxon messy.