um, seriously?

love him.

click here.
and here.

metal.

the pony.

1. click on this LINK.

2. then click on a different video every three seconds.

3. commence grinding.

4. have seizure.

5. kill self.

this shit is newsworthy?

two of portland's top news stories today.
RABBITS and CATS beware. the world is a dangerous place.
i love my community.
i really love my community's newspaper.

l*ker fans, no, los angelians, in general (friends excluded).

get to da choppa!

definitely worth 9:59 of your life.

police report attempt to revive flattened opossum...

(CNN) -- A Pennsylvania man attempted to resuscitate "a road-killed opossum," state police say.
But this was one possum who wasn't playing possum -- the ugly creature remained dead.
Troopers responding to the scene in Oliver Township on Thursday determined that Donald J. Wolfe, 55, of Brookville, was drunk, according to the police report.
Several witnesses observed Wolfe's failed resurrection of the flattened marsupial, police said. It was not immediately clear how he endeavored to restore the possum's life.
The arresting officer in the incident was unavailable for comment Friday. Attempts to reach Wolfe were also unsuccessful.
Wolfe will be charged with one charge of public drunkenness, police said.

happy 79th.

drawing the line...

this has gone too far. disgusting.

it's well documented within the circle of trust that i have some PTSD related to working with a large population of crack babies' mommas while living in chicago. crack-whore-tainted boob juice was the norm in the special care nursery at my first hospital. when forced to handle it (the juice, not the boob), i used to double-glove, wrap my body in saran wrap, then cry in the shower when i got home from work.
it wasn't pretty.
i've been better lately. maybe it's because there's less of the ol' HIV running around? not sure.
regardless, it's disgusting.
and if you ever want to see me vomit and pass out at the same time...squirt some on me.
maybe that's what i need...some flooding therapy?

two rules.

1. never eat jack-in-the-box tacos.
2  never piss on a down power line. *
  

*kudos to the vito.

cats suck.

um. i just saw this commercial during inside the nba on TNT. um. i think they just ate cat shit. um. i just threw up.

carnage.

pretty sure there are some deaths involved with these?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

idiot.

this video gets good around the -2:50 mark:

ho. ly. shit.

i'm trying to think of something witty to say about mabry hunting squirrels in the yard...but i'm speechless after watching this video.

solving the world's problems...

1. use the guy that inspired mark walhberg's character in the movie shooter to take out all insane dictators or anyone else that has nuclear weapons and shouldn't.*

2. impose instant capital punishment for child molesters and murderers.

3. make wind and solar energy cost effective so that all dams may be removed. i mean the wind blows pretty hard through the gorge? everyday. since before the dinosaurs.

4. devise a way to medically permit fertility only after responsible parties pass a series a common sense tests.*

5. join this cause and sign this petition: i like to fish this river



*to be determined by me.

i must go.

if you can hang on until the end...it's gold, "liquid gold"?

happy birthday america.

pull the knife outta my back, please...

dear kelly mc gillis,
why don't you just take a big crap in my back to the future lunchbox while you're at it...?
Oh, you're so done with men?
Well, I'm sooo done with blue-haired top gun instructors.
I mean, you had to go and one up the volleyball scene in the most awesome val kilmer movie EVER*! i hate you.



*excluding tombstone.

MCOTW.

wow, it's been awhile since i've done a movie clip of the week. but, in honor of family guy again making me piss myself this week, here it is. it's not for everybody, so don't watch if your easily offended by men tucking their genitals between their legs...



bonus footage.



if you're still with me...this song is apparently is available on itunes? brilliant.