Tuesday, January 29, 2008

the greatest trainwreck on television.

i really don't have much to say about this...it's pretty much an amazin', george bush-electin', tom arnold hostin', confederate flaggin', tabacca spittin' half hour of total coors light, marlboro, wrangler tattoo awesomeness.
this shit has to be scripted.
check it out here: CMT or don't. yeah, probably don't.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

big deal.

eeewwww...so north carolina's "psycho t" mark madsen retard dunked on this street light. big deal. he moves his feet like he's wearing cement shoes, which he kind of is, sadly, since he has a tumor on his pituitary gland.
i hope this kid stays healthy so somebody drafts him. because those gheorghe muresan sportscenter commercials rule.
i hate the tarheels.

i work with needles?

cloverfield sucked.

there are only a couple things right now that are more annoying to me besides eli manning being in the super bowl:
1. the freakin' retards at chipotle who REFUSE when i ask for "a little bit" of sour cream use anything besides that giant serving spoon, which always ends up drowning my sweet precious tacos in about seven pounds of goo.
2. one night off this week in a stretch of nine. and i decide to waste it on 'cloverfield'. the movie poster for this load of crap should read:
cloverfield. disaster. movie.
this movie (home video footage) made me sick. literally. all the jerking and jolting. the constant moaning and groaning of something getting bombed and shot somewhere in midtown. 50% of this movie was dialogue with the dropped camera focusing in on some one's shoulder. or the floor. or darkness. or of a monster that i liked better the first time i saw him when he lived under jabba the hut. i've never left a movie seasick until now. i've been nauseated for over 24 hours. this movie couldn't be any more empty and unsatisfying. i get it, the whole 'blair witch meets godzilla' thing, but a few more answers and explanations are needed to make this thing even remotely engaging. so there's a monster. it's big. it fucks up new york. people die. the end.
i should have known better. my bad.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Saturday, January 19, 2008

the golden cow.

in wisconsin elementary schools, the kids are taught to count one, two, three, favre, five, six, seven, touchdown, nine, ten...
short of when he laid down for gappy mc strahan a few years ago and gave him the single season sack record, i like brett favre.
i hope he plays for ten more years.
these (clicky here) can only become more and more popular.
so, when people like this keep having babies:

this all makes sense...
seriously, little superfan 4, when mommy puts your ritalin on your spiderman placemat, next to your bowl of lucky charms...don't forget to take it. and yes, mason crosby is superman. oh, and freakin' sweet bunkbeds, dude.

i predict a green bay victory mostly because eli manning will piss himself to stay warm in lambeau. not to mention because he has a sore tongue from licking oreos.
which means, go with the giants if you're gambling. which you are.

yes, lincoln. yes.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

i heart abby waner.

what's on espn, late night, weekdays (because we all know late night weekends are for those horrid, barely watchable fishing shows)?
in between useless hockey highlights?
that's right...women's basketball.
abby waner can straight bomb. NBA shit. i mean i know the ladies take pride in their fundamentals and all, but crap...this girl can spot up. anywhere.

yes, i realize i just wasted five minutes writing a post about women's basketball. hey, at least it was regarding the NCAA and not the other one, right? no? yeah, i suck.
at basketball.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

wet snow.

we went to mt hood along with the rest of portland on saturday. lots of snow. snowshoeing was quite pleasant...while dry. then not so pleasant when soaking wet from cascade snow/rain/slush. after about one hour of watching the dogs confirm that they would ride the short bus if they went to doggie school. we had lunch in the car. lunch included the only important four main food groups not named beer...cheese, smoked meat, wheat thins, and soda.
and i need a waterproof camera.


words have left me.
if you watched football this weekend and saw this: insta-ghey
chances are you are speechless as well.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

it continues...

SLU sucks.
SEVEN points at halftime!!! click here.
my personal sports apocolypse carries into 2008. wonderful. the days of claggett, highmark, h, even jeff and larry are gone. we miss you charlie spoon. we're called the billikens for god's sake? what's a billiken? what do we expect? on a positive note, this performance didn't cause coach majerus to have his ninth heart attack. yet.
thank you blazers.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

slow night.


if i'm anti-bumper sticker...am i allowed to live in portland? i get it. you're vegan. you voted for kucinich. you have a smart kid. you vacationed somewhere that has a three-letter code. babies have rights?
yipee! you found a clever funny one that surely no one else will stick on their subaru. you keep track of how many days are left in bush's term?
a magenta ribbon? what's that one for? oh, supporting the civil unions of same sex chinstrap penguins, duh.
congratulations for being an independent thinker AND a woman.
how do you know calvin and hobbes hates ford and dodge trucks?
i wonder how many cute ponies died for all that adhesive?

Monday, January 7, 2008

the peacock.

nbc is doing their best to keep me entertained during the ridiculously long writers' strike.
now if you were to hack into my dvr, i'm not sure nbc would dominate since i record retarded shit on sci fi, bear grylls crap, something on pretty much every network, BUT as of today...nbc has owns the belt.
besides having the single most watchable re-runs on the planet in 30 rock. here is a little photo montage of their current dominance:
yes, gladiators is the real deal. next week i'm gonna sit down with an entire wheel of cheese and a case of hamm's. i will drink and eat every time the hulkster says "brother", after i will play call of duty 4 until i either throw up or passout or both.
the wolf...


the beard.

and finally...knight rider is coming. it will be horrible. but the theme song makes me want to wear leather and perm my hair.

Friday, January 4, 2008

when family comes to town...

i've been off work for about 10 days.
sometimes...and i do mean sometimes, as in hardly never...going back to work sounds like a good idea.
no, i can't believe i just said that.
yes, i will be cursing this place in about 4 hours.
in 10 days here is what i accomplished:
9 trips to home depot.
4 trips to a restaurant that is advertised on tv, i.e. applebee's, olive garden, etc.
1 trip to multnomah falls.
3 trips to safeway to buy ice for the cooler.
1 bottle of advil.
0 trips fishing.
3 different christmas gatherings?
approximately 100 points on the regal rewards card. movie highlights: juno, no country for old men, and i am legend.
approximately 500 points on the best buy rewardzone card.
approximately 300 punks shot or gutted playing call of duty 4. thank god for playstation.
yes, i know. i live a charmed life.

i love david blaine.