Wednesday, April 30, 2008

the star wars kid's even more socially awkward cousin.


dear kevin pritchard,
firstly, so far, so good.
now, and i assume you are already diligently hard at work on this key acquisition, but i feel it's worth mentioning.
go get JOSE CALDERON. assist to turnover ratio: 5.38. #1 in the league.
jarett jack and/or channing frye and/or a draft pick. or two.
everybody knows we need a solid point guard.
sergio, rudy, and jose?!
i mean really...the thought of this even being a possibility has me wanting to buy timbers season tickets, too.
please kevin, do the right thing.
every blazer fan on earth.

Monday, April 28, 2008

ladies and rednecks...

i give you AMERICANA.

sweet home chicago.

hello, blog. i missed you. i'm struggling to type these words since i contracted some form of reces monkey flu from the tuberculous-infected cacksack sitting behind me on the plane ride home. helped in no part by my completely depleted immune system which was drowned the previous nights in rum, southern comfort, and cupcake frosting (don't ask). congrats to tommy t for surviving his bachelor party. very swell to see all you bastards again. too bad we get to do it all over again in a couple weeks...with me on the wagon (under doctor's orders)?
the highlights: the rooftop (very swank). coach ditka. eggs. victory liquors. and not having to sleep in the condo with 20 other guys (thanks, amit).
the lowlights: pain. bruises. and swearing off drinking for good. again.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

only on fox 12...

and only in vancouver.
(make sure you click on the video)
coming up next on fox 12 "enraged dad sticks revenge fork in boy's neck"!


it takes a confident man to attempt a vulcan nerve pinch on darth vader.

Friday, April 11, 2008

people it should be legally ok to murder.

1. men's rec league basketball refs

sir, don't take it personal when i tell you to fuck a goat, but it'd be nice if i wouldn't have to bleed my own blood to get call. i realize i have a bit of a temper, but understand that i spend my nights tending to our community's sick and down-trodden...children, to be exact. and to make matters worse, these children are usually sick because their parents are idiots, so when i come to play basketball, it's supposed to be a stress reliever, not the opposite. a little aggression and competitiveness should be something someone who is getting paid should be able to tolerate, no? yes. so, stop sucking at your job. and i'm sorry for telling you to fuck a goat.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

the good ol' days...

as much as i (we) complain about television these really hasn't EVER been that good...except for 'quantum leap'.